Only by grace

This whole internship experience has revealed to me so much more about myself. I've failed God big time! Yet, His grace abounds much more. I realize how inadequate I am to live for God..how little I love God. I love myself more than I love God. I've come to a point where I realize I cannot boast about my love for God because I fail Him daily.

Sometimes I feel ashamed to let others know that I'm a christian. I'm afraid of misrepresenting Jesus..because I am not good. I didn't want people to know that I'm a christian if I am not portraying God's values especially in my previous work place. I was so stressed up that I didn't care about others. All I cared for was just my own work. I don't want people to judge my God wrongly just because of how I behave myself. But now as I thought about it, I realize the need for me to be honest with my struggles and weaknesses even to non-christians..they struggle with selfishness, with pride, etc and I go through the same thing. But it's not about how great I am but how great God is and how much I'm forgiven - I'm a sinner saved by grace.

Agape PKA Family Camp was timely for me. Annette's sharing on Peter's experience helped me to pick myself up again. I could relate to Peter better now. I named my experience as "Walking in Peter's shoes"..

Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren." Luke 22:31-32

Peter, being a sanguine, told Jesus that "Lord, I am ready to go with you to prison and to death". So confident that he won't deny Jesus. But in the end, He did. What amazes me in this passage is how Jesus already offered forgiveness to Peter even before he sinned against him. Jesus prayed for him, Jesus was ready to receive him again even after Peter fails. Can read more on how Jesus restored Peter - John 21:15-19. And we can see how Peter was transformed in the book of Acts. Peter became one of the apostles and he wrote 1 Peter and 2 Peter in the bible.

I don't like to be perceived as someone spiritual..because I am not. There were times where people said to me things like, "I wish I could love God like you." Even my close friend would say to me, "I'm not as holy as you." I hope the truth sets you free now haha I can't even recall how many times I've failed my God and bring disgrace to His name. But what picked me up each time when I fall is God's love and grace. It's true that I cannot boast about my love for God..but I can boast about my God's love for me..because He never fails.

Sometimes I remind others that God loves them..and try to encourage them in their walk with God..it is not to prove to anyone that I'm spiritually more hebat or what. Because I know I have the tendency to fall too and when that happens, I would want someone who can be there to remind me of God's love as well.

I want to quote what Mr.Goh Keat Peng says, "There is no such thing as spiritual giants. Only sinners saved by grace."

I fail God..that's why I need Him.