justice.. where are you?

I realised that this time my exam is very happening. I witnessed my lecturer teaching her students in the exam hall. I stared at her for a while, making sure that I heard correctly. I raised my hand to inform an invigilator that was walking towards my row.. I told him, "Lecturer tidak sepatutnya mengajar student di dalam exam hall." He looked at me, giving me the I-can't-do-anything look. Fine. The lecturer then continued teaching more students as though the rest of the students are blind. I was pissed. I finished up my last question and went to the front to pass up my answers script. I told another invigilator. She gave me the same look, perhaps the i'm-in-dilemma look. Ok, I know it's not easy but to be honest, I was very disappointed. I went out and saw another invigilator and told her the same thing.. my friend who came out after me, heard our conversation and confirmed what I said. The invigilator then said "Ok, I will go in and try to see what I can do." Basically, EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT'S HAPPENING BUT NO ONE IS DOING ANYTHING. I felt like I'm not heard! I can feel myself screaming inside, "Hello!! Justice!! Where are you???"

Dear lecturer, even if you find out about me trying to report about your action and decide to fail me.. I'm perfectly fine with it because it is not worth scoring your paper. I would rather fail your subject than to compromise. And what I cannot tahan most is you gave us a lecture on how we need to be honest and 'not taking short cuts' in life. You did not walk your talk. I'm deeply, extremely disappointed with you.

A lot of things were running in my mind even til now. Most people would choose the easy way out which is to ignore and tutup sebelah mata. Others would probably tell me "It's like that one la.." or "What to do?" 

so? means what? It's ok to do all these? Actually there are a lot of things we can do..we can stand up, we can speak up.. we can do our part.

I'm not making a big hu-ha because I'm afraid they could perform better than me or what not, but simply because this is not right! Is it just because I have not seen the 'world' much enough so you say, "Carmen, pls don't over react"?

Is that why I look like a weirdo now who is trying to make a big fuss out of 'small issue'? 

Yet again, where is justice? If we do not stand up for small things, will we stand up for bigger things? If we don't fight for justice, who else will?

Have we become numb to the injustices that are happening around us? because they happen so often, they happen every day!

Are we tired of fighting for what is right? just because it is not an easy path.. just because it requires one to take risks and go against the flow?

Have I become numb? What is my stand? How far can I go? How many times will I speak up? How many times will I fight against all these?

This incident has also reminded me.. reminded me that there are a lot of people who are being mistreated. I'm not the only one because this world is not just me, myself and I..but also Siti, Mary, Mutu, Ah Chong, Ramli and many more. I speak up for my own rights..but I've forgotten about the rights of these people.. the penan people, the orang asli, the refugees.. And what I'm experiencing now is nothing compared to what they've experienced. Yet, I've become so numb to their news. I became tired after some time.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for my selfishness..I'm sorry for my ignorance. 

With what shall I come before the Lord
    and bow down before the exalted God?
Shall I come before him with burnt offerings,
    with calves a year old?
⁷ Will the Lord be pleased with thousands of rams,
    with ten thousand rivers of olive oil?
Shall I offer my firstborn for my transgression,
    the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul?
⁸ He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.
    And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
    and to walk humbly with your God.

Micah 6:6-8

Dear God, break my heart for what breaks Yours. Remind me always to hate the sin, not the sinner. Give me strength and wisdom to act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with You..because many times I failed. Help me Father :'(