Today, I was standing behind in the church sanctuary because I was on duty. During worship, I saw different people from different walks of life worshiping God. Some of them shared their testimonies during watch night service on the goodness of God despite their struggles in life.

In their struggles, they still praise.
In their lack, they still worship.
In their weakness, they still come before their God.
So beautiful :')

"Jesus Your love for me, like nothing I've ever seen
I lift up my hands to praise Your name, oh how I love You"

Losing control

Tell you something about cholerics myself. I cannot take unclear directions or the feeling of losing control. I like to plan. I like to have a to-do-list. I like progress. I like results. I like to be in control of what's happening next. It's either black or white, don't tell me grey. It's either joining or not going, don't tell me maybe (referring to facebook haha). Perhaps you can relate. 

At this point of time in life (sound old, but yeah), I've been thinking a lot about what I want to do with my life and questions like, where I want to settle down.. So many uncertainties..and cholerics me really hate it. Sometimes I wish God tell me right away the things that He has planned out - yes yes, give me the formula and things will be way easier! But if that is so, the one taking control is no longer God.. but me.

While talking to a friend, she reminded me that many times we can be so overwhelmed by activities. We move faster and faster.. to do more and more.. because we want to accomplish things or achieve certain things in life. Nothing wrong with that. Just that in the midst of doing and achieving, many times we think that we are in control of things.. 'I have things under control'.. and 'it all depends on me'. Pride sets in. But the truth is, we are never in control of things. Yup. Never. Just this very moment while I'm blogging right here, my heart could just stop beating or my lungs could collapse. The fact that I can finish blogging this post is by God's grace. The fact that I'm living and breathing right now is a gift from God. So often we forget probably because 1. human beings are forgetful people 2. human beings always take things for granted or 3. human beings do think that they have all things under control. I'm guilty of these as well. As I think and pray about this, I came to understand that in every relationship there ought to be involvement and participation from both parties. If God were to give us the formula eg, A+B=C, is there still a need to depend on Him since we already know it all? To seek Him daily and commune with Him? 

Uncertainties are scary.. to me it's like running in the tunnel and not knowing what lies ahead of me.. it could be Disneyland or Lalaland haha kidding :p My point is this is not a good feeling because it's kinda scary. But it's also a place where you can do nothing much but to learn to trust God.

Many times we think we know what is best for ourselves but actually we don't..do we? or rather, can we? Can we know more than what God knows? We don't even know what will happen tomorrow or the next moment.. how then can we say that we know better than God Himself? I didn't say that out..but many times my actions show as though I know it all.. 'Don't worry God, I have all things planned out'. What a foolish thought, Carmen. Not that we don't make plans but knowing that at the end of the day, He is the One who determines our path. Just as I'm losing control, I'm learning to trust that He is in control. To be honest, it's not easy. I guess that's why it is a journey.

Father You are King over the flood,

I will be still and know You are God.

My hope is built on nothing less

than Jesus' blood and righteouness

I dare not trust the sweetest frame

But wholly trust in Jesus' name.

When darkness seems to hide His face
I rest on His unchanging grace
In every high and stormy gale
My anchor holds within the veil.

KL trip

Went down to KL last friday to visit some friends before I start my internship next month. Cause once internship start, it will be harder to find time liao..I wasn't really expecting anything from this trip other than just catching up with friends..but i've received so much :) So yays! It was good to meet up with Wai Quan and hearing from her experience as a young working adult. And what encourages me is to see her faithfully serving in her church.. Wai Quan leading youth bible study now, chewah :D

Met up also with Wai Yan and Tim :) Toured UM! :D It was interesting to hear their experience in Korea. Had fun just talking to them, sharing and fellowship :) Thank you Wai Yan and Tim for making time! Appreciate this friendship lots.

Then followed by Sweepers 2011 :) I guess the highlight is seeing how each and everyone has grown from where we were last time. Several of them are now involved or indirectly related to NGO work or helping the society :) Ah, so proud of them. Ernest, Huey Lin and Lynn shared on their experience as NGO workers now. What hit me most is when Lynn mentioned how she feels burnt out at times but yet she look forward to go to work each day. She doesn't earn much but at the same time, she doesn't spend much because of her surrounding and the group of people that she hang out with. Hearing from Lynn, I'm reminded again on this verse 'godliness with contentment is great gain'. I begin questioning myself..like, Will I want a job that can pay me well or a job that I look forward to each day? What is good quality life? 

Then, PKA-ians! Just like what Monica said, "Familiarity!" :) Guess what? We played bang and killed each other haha Apart from that, it's good to hear updates from them again la :) Last person I met before I left was Uncle Jeremy! :D Time flies lah, when we first met..he just started serving in FES..but now already 2.5 years. He also gave tips on how to be a good steward when I start working next time haha

Sweep 2011

 Mini sweepers reunion :)

Good friends since I was in first year :)

Pka-ians :)

This trip really has been fruitful :) I seriously never expect to hear so many stories of working life experience from my peers and different people along the way. It's like God purposely arranged this to prepare me for the working world. I feel loved because I know He cares even for the little things in my life :) Make me question myself more and at the same time.. asking God to show me the way. Trusting Him to lead the way.

Facing my last paper

Feels like doing everything except studying.. arghh. seriously.. it's always the last paper that is hardest to endure >:(

Can't wait to finish the last paper of my uni life!!! YAYSSS!!! #planningtodosomethingcrazy #likestandingonmychairinthexamhallandshout"IT IS FINISHED!!!!"