performance mentality

During Nexus, I realised that I have this performance mentality. I always want to perform. Whenever after I prayed or shared something, I will run to Yee Vonne and asked "How was my prayer?" "How was my sharing?" I compared my prayer with other people's prayer. I compared my spiritual maturity with others. I actually care so much about how other people see me.


Then I learn that : It's not about the performance but a heart that says 'Yes Lord.'. The moment we begin to compare, we are saying that we are loved by performance. God chose me and called me even before I was born...even before I begin to perform. I am not loved by performance. I am loved by His unconditional love.
I am made to be loved by God, not to perform.

Jesus, may You be the only audience that I seek to please
whenever I speak.

:)

I can now play a few songs on guitar!! WOOHOOOOOO! Like I told you, I always give up very easily.. but this time, even before I start to learn how to strum.. I prayed. I prayed. I prayed and I prayed. :) :) :) God sent people to teach, God gave me perseverance! I love my Father! <3

Prophetic Evangelism II

YAY! :)

We went for prophetic evangelism AGAIN, last monday! I'm so glad and happy!! :) I was a little bit anxious this time because I had doubts in my mind....'what if this time I don't receive anything from God?' 'What if this, what if that', but I kept reminding myself not to put trust in human wisdom or human flesh but put my trust in Him and Him alone!

Josh prayed over us and gave us 3 minutes to ask the Holy spirit :)
I saw Gurney Drive, Sunrise and sushi king? hahahah..and then I saw a lady wearing a top with black and white stripes, and a long skirt. And somehow I just felt that she is not local. Other things include hamper and flower. LOL

So after we got all our clues, we prayed and went to gurney drive! We went to the place near coffee island and there we saw a huge tree with many lightings. There we saw FLOWERS lightings on the tree. Means kan, they use the lights to come out with corak bunga.... understand? sorry i don't know how to explain.HAHA.

There I saw my TREASURE! I saw a lady wearing a top with black n white-ish stripes and the top is quite long (which looks like a skirt!). She was standing next to a stall selling ice-cream and etc, right beside Creep cottage. Then we walked towards her and her friends (two tall men). Kelvin saw his clues there too -His clues include 'monkey eating ice-cream' and lime green t-shirt. There was this worker who wore Paul Frank (monkey) t-shirt serving ice-cream! and another worker wore lime green t-shirt! So crazy! Then aunty cheng cheng approached the lady and the other 2 men, we started to explain to them what we were doing.

When I asked the lady whether is she from malaysia, she said no! She is from vietnam and now working in Dubai !! :O
She said she has no prayer needs but I just prayed a prayer of blessing over her because I feel that she is the 'treasure' God wants to encounter. Anyway, to keep the story short kan, we also managed to pray for a guy from myanmar who needs healing for his sister and mother :)
All Glory to Jesus!!


Nexus internship will come to an end this sunday! Time flies, and finally!! yay! :D Sososo tiring, but I never regret for signing up for this internship! Thank you Lord because You made all things possible! :D

Nexus interns! (together with DTS students and team from IHOP!!)

father, give me fresh revelation everyday

Reading the bible without revelation, is just information.

I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. Ephesians 1:17-19

don't miss me

"why? you miss me ah?" has become one of the most 'outstanding' lines among the first years because we have very high self-esteem.HAHAH. And so, We were so bored that we decided to spam on people's FB wall.HAHAHAHAHA, and the victims include Mr. Abel Benjamin Lim, Mr. Michael Wong, Miss Melanie, Miss Monica, Mr. Derek and PKA FAMILY!!! Ahahahahhahahahahaha, so crazyyyyyy!! definitely not my idea! :p

We must not get bored because we are a bunch of CRAZY people!
RAWR!

me being naughty

Ok, I'm going to share this. I'm a naughty girl :p I always skip my lectures. Because no attendance will be taken, so yeah, I always ponteng.HAHA :p

Last thursday, I attended Operations Management lecture but I slept most of the time during lecture because I was soooo sleepy, really tak boleh tahan :( And the night before, I slept around 3am... My bad la.

Since my brain couldn't receiving anything, I went off during the break. And surprisingly, Mr.Soh (OM lecturer) decided to take attendance during the lecture. Obviously, during that time I sudah sleeping soundly in my hostel room. He then emailed to all his students who were absent (which include me) to produce MC next week.

Yes, I have no MC to give to him. I started to 'birth' all kinds of excuses that I can find. Some of them are - stomach ache, overslept, emergency.... But I ended up telling him the truth via email. I apologized and I also promised that I won't skip his class anymoreeee.

Because I know If I'm not truthful in small things, I will not be truthful in bigger things. Till now, Mr.Soh didn't reply me yet. Takut laaaaaa, maybe he will scold me :( 'naughty girl..' or maybe..just maybe, I will get lower marks for my assignment :( but I know that when I repent, God is gracious :) heehee.

Perhaps, some of you are like me? HAHA, maybe not? :p I just want to encourage you to always speak the truth. Admit your mistakes and be responsible for what you have done. I am naughty, yes I admit. but I do not want to cover by telling lies. That's not nice. God knows. God is not stupid. He sees everything. Even the number of hair on your head also He knows la adoii.

I'm not perfect..

I'm still learning :)
Let's learn together!

Bapa Yang Kekal

Kasih yang sempurna
Telah ku trima dari Mu
Bukan kerna kebaikan ku
Hanya oleh Kasih Karunia Mu
Kau pulihkan aku
Layakkan ku tuk dapat memanggil Mu Bapa

Kau bri yg ku pinta
Saat ku mencari ku mendapatkan
Ku ketuk pintu Mu dan Kau bukakan
Sbab Kau Bapa ku
Bapa yang kekal

Takkan Kau biarkan
Aku melangkah hanya sendirian
Kau selalu ada bagiku
Sbab Kau Bapaku
Bapa yang kekal

Love as Jesus loves

Went for street evangelism at love lane just now, together with the other nexus interns. Okay, let me tell you something. I used to hate street evangelism! Seriously. I like to evanglise but I consider myself as a picky person. Meaning I choose which group of people I want to go to. I went for street evangelism during SYM last year, I enjoyed it but not very much. Why? Because I felt the people there are dirty and smelly as most of them are homeless people. So evil right. Yes, I was like that.

I was so scared just now but I went anyhow. We separated ourselves into 3 different groups - service, intercession and street evangelism. When they asked who wants to go for street evangelism, I raised my hand. I wanted to challenge myself - to be out from my comfort zone. Kelvin (Yes, kelvin again! haha), Yee Vonne, Timothy, Andrew and I were in the same group. As we were walking, we saw a prostitute and we walked towards her. I've seen this lady last time when I did street evangelism with the other sym-ers and she really freaked me out. This time, I was so scared when Yee Vonne asked me to pray for her. I DIDN'T WANT TO LAY MY HANDS ON HER. I WAS SCARED!!! But then I agreed because I don't want fear to hinder me from doing what God wants me to do, so I prayed.

After praying, we listened to her stories and we were trying to share the Good news with her. She was very open :) While the others were sharing, I felt that God is asking me to give her a hug. I was like "God, I can't do this!! I don't want to do this!!" The moment I said that in my heart, I felt that God is asking me "Are you my empty vessel?" And as she was sharing about her stories and all, I looked at her. I was watching her and my heart was moved. I felt from within me that God loves her very much. Very much. I asked her "Kakak, Boleh saya peluk kamu?" She said "Boleh.. Apa-apa saja." I gave her a hug and I said to her "Tuhan Yesus cinta kamu." And she smiled.

I'm keeping the long story short again. Heehee. I'm not trying to boast about me hugging a prostitute or what. The key point is I learned something very important today :) We always say "Love as Jesus loves" but why is it so hard to act it out. Today, I just feel that there is a breakthrough in me :) I'm now no longer afraid of street evangelism! I enjoyed myself so much today! :D You know, when you are ministering to people, you are actually being ministered. When you give, you will receive much more! :D :D I want to show love towards people who are yearning for God's love! I don't care whether they are dirty or smelly. It's so easy to hug clean people..they smell good and all (because in church, we always hug each other when we are being told..easy kan?) but how many of us will actually hug those who really need our love and care?

Will you love as Jesus loves?

please God, not man

You know what? I haven't settled my summon until today! :p
Many people told me that I don't have to pay for the summon because the 'Unit Trafik' will not know who I am. They don't have my matriks no. All they have is just my car number plate. And all they can do is just blacklist my car. I only need to settle the summon if I wish to register for car sticker next sem. So next sem baru pay la! But this morning, the Word of God convicted me. I've decided to pay for the summon. I need to be responsible for what I've done :) Whether or not I will get the car sticker for next sem, I want to be honest in little things :)

Went to Jabatan Keselamatan to pay for summon this afternoon. I actually did 2 kesalahan - one is parking at staff's carpark and 2nd is driving without usm sticker :p They actually gave me a discount so I ended up paying RM30 :) I know that even though Unit Trafik may not find out who I am but God knows and God sees. And that's what matters most : Pleasing God and not man.




I know that there are still areas in my life
that is not pleasing Him yet,
but I'm trying to please God in every way that I can.
He deserves my best :)

Prophetic Evangelism

WOAHHHHH! I just came back from Penhop like an hour ago, my heart is still full of excitement!! I can't wait to blog because I can't wait to tell you guys what happened! :D okok, I NEED TO CALM DOWNNNNNNNN! Today, we had intercession and Prophetic Evangelism aka 'Treasure Hunt'. Some of the groups went for prophetic evangelism while the rest stayed in Penhop for prayer and intercession.

And guess what, my group went for 'Treasure Hunt' :p
Josh Yeoh briefed us on how to do prophetic evangelism and prayed over us. He gave us about 3 minutes to fill up the categories - Place, what is he/she wearing, name, prayer needs, outstanding things (lain-lain).

I was so scared and nervous because I have not done this! THIS IS SO CRAZY!! I closed my eyes and kept praying. Then I saw a pizza, so I just wrote down on my paper, Pizza. Then I saw a white songkok.. Deep inside my heart I was telling myself "Okayyy, white songkok is too specific lar, what if this is just my own imagination" So I just wrote down 'Songkok'. Third thing I saw was a staircase. I wrote that down too. Then after 3 minutes, Josh Yeoh, Kelvin, Allison, another Josh and I shared what we've received. Most of their clues like almost similar! The clues we have include Gurney Drive, cooling place, rojak, guava, smoking, yellow T shirt, big Eyes, Spotlight, earring, black T-shirt, spiky hair, etc etc..

So we went off to gurney drive! Jalan-jalan cari Treasure, we followed the clues and the guidance of the Holy Spirit. To cut the long story short, we ended up in a Malay hawker stalls at Gurney Drive. Then I saw a few men wearing WHITE SONGKOK! I WENT CRAZY!! At the same place, Kelvin found his yellow T-shirt person with BIG EYES (It was so specific tau!) and there was a cigarette box on the table. The yellow T-shirt man/woman ( She/He looks like a guy because she/he spiked her/his hair! So we're confused) was with two of her/his friends. One of them wore a Black T-shirt and an earring! There, we also found the Rojak stall, and guess what..they have spotlights! what else, what else, ohh and I saw 'staircase' at the Gurney Drive roundabout, just right opposite the place where we were sitting! We were very sure that this is the place where the Holy Spirit is leading us to. Then, Josh and I approached the yellow T-shirt person and his/her friends. We showed them the papers where we wrote down our clues. That yellow T-shirt person was actually smoking, holding his/her cigarette under the table! We shared with them about what we were doing and they were quite surprised as most of the clues really hit them. I believe that God will continue to work in their lives :D

After that, a lady came over and talked to us, she was curious about what we were doing. We shared with her and Kelvin felt that we need to pray for her, so he asked her for prayer needs. When we were about to leave, she came running to us and said "Kelvin, thank you for your prayer". WOWW! Hearing that from our majority neighbour :)
Holy Spirit knows who is ready to encounter Him!

This is so CRAZY! Remember I told you that my faith will be stretched? :p I'm sooooo encouraged because I actually see 'things' like that. Seriously it's not us at all, it's God! When we put our trust in God, He will show up! :) :) :)



ps: Do ask me personally if you want more info, this is like just the summary :p and i don't really know how to put them in words..I'm trying my best..but anyhow, GOD IS GOOD! YAY!!

nexus internship

YES, this is it! NEXUS INTERNSHIP that I've been waiting for! :)
Just in case if you're wondering what is this nexus internship all about : The neXus Internship is the PenHOP Part-Time Internship that is also the precursor to the full-time Internship that is scheduled to begin in the second half of 2011. The neXus Internship comprises three separate and successive 21-day tracks designed for students and individuals with full-time jobs to consecrate three life-shaping weeks to a focused and intensive pursuit of God.

I'm very excited! Now that this nexus internship has begun, meaning I will be having a very packed schedule for the coming weeks BUT I won't complain, because this is what I want to do and this is the decision that I've made :) I'm excited because.. I'm scared!! (yeah sounds dilemma) but at the same time I know that my faith will be stretched :) like seriously.... imagine people like me going for prophetic evangelism and ministering to local churches. I can't imagine that. Sounds crazy kan? LOL. Mixing with the interns make me feel very small, I don't know why..maybe it's because of their maturity in Christ, each and everyone of them :) it's easy kan, to always say that we need to be secured and all, but now I'm really experiencing it myself. However, I'm also excited because it's a test, and I'm going to pass this test : my identity is in Him and Him alone, not what I can do or what I've earned but BY HIS GRACE. AND I WANT TO MAKE THE DEVIL MADDDDD! :p

THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING.

guess what???
I'M EXCITED FOR MORE!
Faith gonna speak louder than fear!
RAWRRRRR!

I heard Him saying, "You don't have to walk this alone because I'm walking with you."

"I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.”
Genesis 28:15

:')

ngo dou yau kam yat :(

Yes that's my kembara. I know some of you are laughing at me now :( kesian tau aku. So rajin go to class but kena saman! I know someday I sure kena dee, but I just didn't know that today is the DAY. will go to class by bus later :(

hmph!! >:(

His love never fails.

i'm so overwhelmed with joy! :) :) :)
Thank you Jesus! I LOVE YOU!

31/12/10

Lunch at Harvest In

Waiting for my spaghetti :/

Miss Melanie :)

Mr.Derek !

Mr.Michael aka Phlegmatic :p

Miss Tien Hui!

Straits Quay!

White chocolate chips distributor!

Semua kena addicted :O

"DK Foyer"

gaya kan? :D

Buat lawak :p


Ice kacang-ing di pulau tikus! :)

HAD A GREAT TIME WITH
MY brothers & sisters! :)

1111

Actually I don't have anything in mind to blog about...but I just feel the 'urgency' to write about something laaa, because it's 2011! First day of 2011! so I think I need to write down something, to remind myself what I've written today (on the very first day of 2011) if I happen to view back this entry in the future :) My english is still very cacat now, I tau okayy. Pls bear with me and give me face..for me to improve my english.heeeeee...Oh and I'm having a very bad cough now :( so pls pray for me. haha *random*

Ok, this blog is like..my paling long-lasting blog ever,HAHA. I used to have a few blogs last time but I deleted them cuz it's either I have nothing to write or I don't know what to write :p How come this blog paling long-lasting, I guess it's simply because I can never finish telling people about God's goodness! :) Whether it's 2009, 2010, 2011 or 2034, God is good all the time!

My friends (yes, plural) did complaint to me that they don't understand what I write, but I will still continue to write about God's goodness, His faithfulness, His glory and His greatness :) because the title says it all - "My Creator and I", and to be more precise - "Jesus and Carmen."
Yeala, I know la you all don't understand and all but sabarlah, :)
I sayang you all tau! more than you actually know :p (you know who you are)

I've made a covenant with God last year in 2010, which was 2 months ago. I already feel very challenged even right now to "fulfill" the covenant that I've made with God. But I'm going to believe this - testings will be turned into testimonies. Not by might nor power but His spirit!
My prayer is that faith will arise in me. Help me, Holy Spirit.

Year 2011.. I want to soar higher with You, Lord.