This gentle thingy

Sometimes hor, I wonder how girls can be soooo gentle.. that when they talk it's like whispering.. when they laugh, it's not so 'over'.. Cause when I talk it's like the whole earth shakes.. and when I laugh I cannot just open my mouth and laugh... I need to clap my hands and stomp my feet too!!! It's sooo funny that my body needs to take part as well! I wonder how they keep themselves so gentle and composed all the time..
what a mystery!!

Thanks!

I'm not really a gift person. But just felt so touched by them because it is really unexpected. And they still remember even though we are so far apart.

One of the reasons why they are so dear to me - they will always remember who is their Queen! :P

Unmet expectations.

When will they finally meet? 

FOR REAL!!

Warning: This is not an update about my convo or anything... but the fact that I've lost weight!!!! It freaks me out!!!

Before

After

A lot of people (at least eight or more) came to me this year, especially those who didn't see me for quite some time, said that I've lost weight! And I would just reply, "Oh really??" Now when I look back at my old pictures/videos, I understand why they reacted the way they did!!! Because it freaks me out too!! hahaha

Discussion:
1. Maybe because of the weird cough disease that I had for a year! (I'm finally healed btw! :D)
2. Growing up? Even the body doesn't want to grow haha
3. Shaun ate all my food and prawns!

Btw I just cut my hair and it's really ugly huhuhu!

True worshipers

"Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name"

"You're rich in love, and You're slow to anger
Your name is great, and Your heart is kind
For all Your goodness I will keep on singing
Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find"

One of the joy of being an usher is to be able to see congregation worshiping God because you are standing right at the end. Can't help but to see haha I don't know how many times I feel encouraged standing right behind the sanctuary :) So today, our church was singing this song, 10000 reasons. This song talks about how blessing God is a choice we make, not by looking at our circumstances. If we choose to start with praise, we want to end with praise.

I saw this person whom I know is struggling with his marriage. Being in a relationship for almost 10 years, few months of marriage and now the wife insisted on a divorce. Both him and the family couldn't figure out what went wrong. Yet today I saw him singing,
"Bless the Lord O my soul, Worship His holy name"
"For all Your goodness I will keep on singing,
Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find"

It's not easy. I'm not sure how much he is struggling right now and how much pain he has to go through.. but this really moved my heart. And I'm sure it moved God's heart too. I mean, what goodness can he find about God in all these??? Yet he choose to trust not in his circumstances but the nature of who God is.
God. Is. Good.
It was a very beautiful worship.

Thank you. I pray I'll be like you, to be a true worshiper.. to worship God even when I'm struggling..even when I don't understand. To trust Him for who He is.

Hello Transition!

"Each transition will involve some kind of loss. Growth will always be costly; a new venture will always involve some form of letting go. It may be a matter of separation - from parents or from those who are part of an old way or an old world. It may involve leaving behind the comfortable and the secure. Each transition will be a small death, and the new life, the new opportunity and the new challenges will only come as we let go."
- Gordon T. Smith, Courage & Calling.

The blog is going through transition..just like the owner. haha

Ps: Inspired by Woon to change blog layout/skin :D

So I was sick.
Dad went out to buy bihun soup for me :)
So touched huhu. It's not always uttered, but I know I'm loved by my papa!

Just thoughts

For the past week or so, I've been hearing struggles and pain shared by different people. I don't know how it feels like to have your spouse leaving after 3 months of marriage. I don't know how it feels like to have to take care of an alzheimer and paralyzed parent. I don't know how it feels like to see your dad passed away and knowing deep in your heart that you won't see him again in heaven. I can only imagine.. the pain, suffering, hurt, brokenness and heartaches. I can only pray.

Everyone goes through life with different struggles. When life seems all good and enjoyable for some of us, it may not be so for others. While we are enjoying, others may be suffering. Many times we forget that pain and suffering exist.. maybe it's because they seem so far away or we are having a good time in life..or probably sometimes we're stuck in the routine or busyness in life? sometimes it is my own struggle that caused me to be inward looking. We have no time to pause, ponder, look around or even to feel their pain..

Then when pain and suffering hit us, we feel surprised. They have always been here..no? Perhaps that's why it is important to constantly remind ourselves that this is not our home. And we look forward to go home - heaven. All tears will be wiped away. No sorrows, no pain. We need to let the others know that there is room for them in our home.

Vent

That feeling..when people around you already found a job but you're still jobless.
That feeling..when people belittle you, "Top student wor, cannot find job?" I'm not top student by the way. Please give me a break.
That feeling of uncertainty, lost and disappointments. Transition?
 

6 Oct, God with us.

So it has been one year already! :) Time flies. There were great times & not-so-good times, ups & downs, lots of laughter & also tears haha Don't be deceived if people were to tell you that relationship is all nice and sweet.. it's a lie! :P Every relationship requires effort, commitment and hard work. For the past one year, we have been through quite a lot of things together and I'm thankful for friends who encouraged and prayed alongside us :) Thank you! You contributed to the growth of this relationship if you didn't know hehe. Most importantly, God made this possible for us. 

Looking back, it's funny how God works in this friendship/relationship. How we friendzoned each other, teased each other and then got together. He who was once my little brother became the Man..chewah haha Sounds so weird but I've seen how God answered my prayers and brought alongside a partner who can journey with me, share my burden and accept my weaknesses. It's a blessing!

Personally, I've learned so much more about God's love and grace.. how He could constantly love and forgive an imperfect sinner just like me and sometimes it's just beyond what my finite mind can comprehend. Indeed,it's unending love, amazing grace. My prayer is that Jesus will continue to be in the center, be my focus, be our focus.

A wise uncle said this, "Always always give in, but never never give up." :) Something that I need to keep reminding myself even though I think Shaun gave in to me most of the time aha Well, it's good that I'm making him more Christ-like! Keep up the good work, bro :P

My best friend :)

My entertainer!

My driver! :(

Thank you for this one year :) the good times and bad times because it tells us how much we are willing to fight for each other. So far so good lah :P :D

To everyone else, I love roses btw! My convo is on 9 Nov btw! hahaha

Love bears all things,
believes all things,
hopes all things,
endures all things.

1 Corinthians 13:7

To infinity and beyond!

Dear Aceplus,

Be anxious about nothing for I am not giving up on you yet. What a good owner you have. I know right. Therefore, be thankful and rejoice always! And live a life worthy of your 'calling'!!

Mum: Girl, your hand phone still can use?
Me: Urm, yeah..still ok. (Though has difficulty typing because keypad cacat and restart button naik gila at times)
Mum: Oh, want to change phone or not? Buy you a new phone *shows me a catalog*
Me: No need la, still ok ba. Why you so nice to me? 
Mum: I'm always nice to you what.
Me: *laughs*
 
So I'm sticking to my Aceplus until the day of its' funeral!
And it has been ringing in my head, "Yet godliness with contentment is great gain". I am challenged and reminded again :) and one thing good about having an old phone is that nobody gonna curi it even if you left it somewhere on the table...which is always the case! :P

Creepy day!

If you know me well, you know I don't normally clean my room haha and to be honest, I don't normally clean my bag too. Actually, I don't normally clean all my stuff la haha, unless when I think it's necessary :P So today, I happen to think that it is time to clean my bag because the little pocket in front of my bag pack couldn't contain anymore rubbish that I've accumulated all these while. And I found this in my bag..

'Pray, Phil 4:6-7'.. It is a bible verse;

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

It is scary.. creepy..I've been reading this verse for the past few days because I've been worrying and anxious about job offers and the transition into the working world. Creepy because it is too timely liao..and I don't know when and who left this in my bag (btw, if it belongs to you, do claim from me!)...I've not seen this before haha but I know it is God. I don't believe in coincidences. I know my God speaks..and He works in wondrous ways. Just when I've forgotten that He is a living God, I'm assured and reminded again. That He hears. That I am not forgotten. That I am loved. :')

The feelings within

I can almost see it,
That dream I'm dreaming, but
There's a voice inside my head saying,
"You'll never reach it"
Every step I'm taking
Every move I make
Feels lost with no direction,
My faith is shaking
But I, I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high.

 

KL trip

So, I just got back from my KL trip! :) I had a greattt time! I went down for an interview with Public Bank for management trainee position. It was a group interview with 2 other fresh graduates. I thought I was confused, lost and dont-know-what-i-want but manatau they were exactly the same hehee i feel better now :D but thank God I did some homework before I went. Shaun actually went through my preparations with me and so coincidentally (or is it God? :)) he helped me with one question that happened to be the only question that the interviewers asked. The interviewers are nice people (they say all interviewers sound nice one la) and it was good to be able to share my experience in PKA as well. Indeed, PKA has played a big part of my uni life and it has shaped me and taught me a lot of things, a lot of good values.

I'm just so thankful for the people that I've met up with during this trip. I realize that my sense of fulfillment is not based on the places I visit but the people I spent time with. Perhaps that's why I'm not so much of a traveling person because what matters to me most is the people I travel with. It could be some nyonya restaurant somewhere in PJ or some kopitiam by the roadside. It is the time with people that I appreciate most.
 

Had a lot of good conversations with good friends. And it's pretty interesting how our conversations changed from assignments, courses, relationships to job offers, future and marriages. Even if I could not get the job offer, it has been a fulfilling trip, a meaningful one :) definitely no regrets! And what makes KL special is not KL, but the precious friends I have there.

Learn your priority

Please don't think that you are doing others a favor by putting aside your smartphones/ipads/tabs (checking your FB notifications, instagram, chatting, candy crush, etc) while spending time with others or when people are talking to you.. that's just basic respect that every human being deserves. Kthanksbai :)

surprise! :)

Surpriseee! it was the boyfriend's birthday! :) I was down in Malacca for this celebration and also met up with my good old friends, very enjoyable time :) Thank you so much for all who helped out to make this surprise a success hohoho! Well done and thank youu! :D

I'm so glad you were born and still alive! :D weeee so, happy birthday!!!

and i love you :)

Thanks malaccan and Tien for the wonderful time! 

So refreshing to just talk crap, crack stupid jokes, nonsense and 

sharing lives again, rindu betul.

Latest updates;

Now I'm in this "what's next?" phase. I've been actively looking for jobs..yet I do not know what I want. I think I know what I really want but now it's not the time yet. So I need to know what I want for now. It's really frustrating. I think it's just me la.. Ya I'm confusing you because I'm confused myself haha

 I want to go to Neverland :/    

Temporary home

My new favourite! :)

 

Just when I feel so overwhelmed, I heard Him saying,  

"Be strong and courageous."

"Spiritual maturity is always dictated by our willingness to sacrifice our own desires for the desires of others or for the interests of the kingdom." 

- Rick Joyner, The Final Quest

Coming to an end

This semester is coming to an end. 8 more working days and I'm done with my 6 months internship!! Finallyyyyyyy :D *dance*

This semester hasn't been easy as I learn to cope in the working world.. But I thank God for people who encourage me along the way. If not, I think it could be worse :( Had a bad experience in Plexus which also made me doubt my own ability and affected my self-confidence. Why am I so weak? Still feeling fearful to enter into the working world but I think I will be more careful now to choose my career path? Hopefully la.

4.5 months here in CBER has taught me a lot of things. Most importantly, I got to know Malays better. They are such genuine and kind people. I am blessed :) I think I will miss them teasing me too :)

Ling Ling has been my room mate for this semester. This sem would be tough without her! And I'm so thankful for her!! She is my listener and encourager :) We are both prawn lovers! We believe that God created prawns because He loves us #ourstand. Thank you so much lingggg :)

And also my coursemates, the CCC :) only left Carmen and Cai Fong in campus though. It has been a great journey of knowing her more and sharing our lives together. I think it's also because we are in the same stage in life, coping with both work and relationship. She has been a good listener and supporter too! :) I'm glad to have her with me this semester.

Some friends came to visit Penang and we had so much fun together! :D It's really nice to have something to look forward to besides work. It was 2 years ago since our Camp cam year. It's good to see how God has been working in each of our lives. I enjoyed talking to them because they are also venturing into the working world, just like me! We picked up a valuable lesson during 'Break the Code'; shit has its purpose too :P we too have a purpose but sometimes we need some time to discover :) I couldn't think of a better way to end this semester :) Thanks for making this semester more colourful!

I'll be applying for job soon! Please pray for meeeee :)

Kamsahamida and Anyeong uni life!
(Thank you and good bye, uni life!)

Say something

I love this! :)

"I will never give up on you. I've given my heart to you." 

Prayer

"We need not bang a drum or bring animal sacrifices to get God's full attention, we already have it."

"He has simply been waiting for us to care about them with Him. When we pray, we stand by God and look with Him towards those people and problems."
 

- Philip Yancey, Prayer.

The art of sacrifice

"To give until it hurts.. to give even when it hurts."

Jesus, friend of sinners, 
the one who's writing in the sand
Made the righteous turn away 
and the stones fall from their hands
Help us to remember 
we are all the least of these
Let the memory of Your mercy 
bring Your people to their knees
Nobody knows what we're for 
only what we're against when we judge the wounded
What if we put down our signs 
crossed over the lines and loved like You did

You love every lost cause
You reach for the outcast
For the leper and the lame
they're the reason that You came
Lord, I was that lost cause 
and I was the outcast
But you died for sinners just like me
a grateful leper at Your feet

Heart-breaking photos that I saw on EARC fb group.

I want more than just a job. 
Can I hear me?

Oh panas!

It's so hot in Penang... I feel like I'm melting.. :(
I think today I bathed for like 7 times already..and I still feel hot right after I finished bathing :'( When I sleep, I sweat. When I sit, I sweat. When I read, I sweat.
SOooooooo hot!
One thing that I thank God for is WATER!!!

New skin! :D

New look for my blog after 6 years! :D Initially I was a bit hesitated because this new template like a bit childish lar..but then I really like the little birdie and flowers, so who cares :D yays!

The funeral

"He is a good man."

One of our F6 teachers in MBS just passed away last week. He was known for his dedication in teaching and how he loved his students. I went for his funeral wake with a close friend of mine. I saw people tearing/crying for the loss of a good man. But my heart was burdened..more than just for the loss of a good man, a good teacher.. It breaks my heart each time when I attend a non-christian funeral because they didn't know about The hope. 

As I was just thinking about all these, I remember my closest death experience. It was just few months ago..I had an injection for my scar and suddenly I just couldn't breathe..my body was numb and I could hardly call the doctor for help. The doctor asked me to relax and asked the nurse to bring in the oxygen thingy..(I couldn't breathe and he asked me to relax, kinda funny haha) Anyway, at that time what came to mind was people I love and the assurance that I have in God. Even if I were to die, I know I'll see God and I will end up in heaven. Not because I'm good..I am not good. It is my faith in Jesus who died for me on that cross. This is grace. Something that I don't deserve. This is a gift but it is not cheap.. because it costs Jesus.

There is a difference with christian funerals. Yes, we cry and mourn because there is still pain in this temporal separation..but we have hope. We know that we will meet again in heaven because it is clearly written in the bible. We are assured in this hope. 

Heaven and hell are real. It is not enough to be a "good man". Nobody is good enough for heaven. We need a saviour.

Intern's ship II

Dua bulan sudah berlalu dan dua bulan lagi! Really can't wait for this to finish but at the same time, I think I'll miss my colleagues here :( They are really nice people! I'm the only cina in this centre (Centre for Business Development, Entrepreneurship & Risk Management -CBER USM) while the rest are malays. But they treat me so niceeee compared to my cina colleagues in previous company. They would buy food for me and make me feel belong :) They know I can't eat spicy food (due to my cough) so they make sure that the food they buy for me are not spicy..ah, so thoughtful! :') My ex-manager (the one whom I met in Subway) bought me souvenir from India!! and because the bangles were too big for me, he actually changed the sizes for me too :') I'm just so so thankful for them.

Ta daaa! My cubicle at workplace hehee. It's really comfy and nice. Just that sometimes very cold :/ and for this reason I will be moving to another cubicle soon! yippieee :D 

This is my soon-to-be cubicle! 3 more interns will be coming in next month, looking forward to meet them! :) I think I'll be a good senior..because I know how it feels when others bully you or do not even acknowledge your existence. Therefore, I want to be a good senior :)

Many times we cry out, "Nobody understands how I feel".. yet how many of us actually understand how Jesus felt when He was on the way to the cross? How many of us actually understand how God felt when He has to send His only Son to die for you and me? Jesus didn't die so that we can dwell in self pity. He died for us so that we can live a victorious life.

Whenever you think nobody understands, be assured that God understands. And that is more than enough.

ahem ahem ahem

So.. i've been coughing for almost 6 months now! Not the nonstopcoughing24/7 kind of cough, if not you would be attending my funeral by now haha sometimes it's more in the morning..sometimes more at night when I'm about to sleep, sometimes it can be quite frequent and go on for a few hours.. but mostly after I ate spicy or oily food..so I've stopped for some time (huhu my favourite tomyam:( ) sometimes I give in to temptation but most of the time, I was victorious lah :D

I'm now a cough expert haha the best way to sleep at night is to put another pillow on top of your pillow..somehow you won't cough as much, it really works for me! Hot drinks especially honey lemon help to make your throat feel much better one :) Also try to always bring lozenges wherever you go, just in case you start coughing like mad in front of a large crowd (church especially during sermon time!)..very awkward one!

I've seen a few doctors and tried all sorts of medication but.. not much improvement. Don't worry ya, I don't have TB because my X-ray is alright! :D But honestly kinda desperate lor. It can be really frustrating when your sickness just don't go away. Especially when cough for a few hours one ah, my chest feel pain after some time..and then I don't feel like talking to anyone one.. not because I'm anti social..or emo, but because it's really painful and it's very tiring to continue talking.

So recently I've been asking God more often.. Why? I've been praying for healing, believing for healing..Why You have the ability to heal me but yet You are holding it back? Why not just heal me when You can?

Then I was also reminded of Sin Yee, a church friend who suffers partial blindness.. and severe dry eyes problem. Each time when I sit beside her in church, she uses her eye drop every 10-15 minutes..even during worship time. For so many years, the church has been praying for her. She went through operation after operation..yet we are still praying. When I contacted her through whatsapp recently, she can still tell me that God is good to her. Seriously for her to be able to say that, God must be really real.

And the challenge I felt God giving to me is whether I will still love Him and serve Him even if I am not healed? So yesterday's time with God ended with a prayer/worship.

When the darkness closes in Lord, 

still I will say, 'Blessed be Your name'.

You give and take away,

my heart will choose to say, 'Blessed be Your name.' 

 The comfort is I'll be given a new body in heaven anyway :)

He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
and He hears me when I call

Dear cough,

It has been a long long time. My lungs are tired. Please take a break and have a kit kat. 

Sincerely annoyed,

Carmen

Just because everyone is doing it (sex before marriage), doesn't mean it is the right thing to do. What kind of values are we passing down to our generations?

Take my life and let it be
consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
Take my moments and my days,
let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands and let them move
at the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet and let them be
swift and beautiful for Thee.
Take my voice and let me sing
always, only for my King.
Take my lips and let them be
filled with messages from Thee.
Take my silver and my gold
not a mite would I withhold.
Take my intellect and use
every power as You choose.

Sorry Daddy.
I know it breaks Your heart because it breaks mine too.

The legends

It has been quite awhile.
Campus life was just different without them.
And so it was really really good to have them back again :')

I love the familiarity. No walls in between, we start pouring and sharing our lives the moment we met until they left. It is funny how our conversation moved from studies/assignments/tests/bgr to working life/adulthood/marriage. I feel old. haha but it is good to have people great friends who are journeying with you at the stage that you're in right now. 

:)

It just hit me this morning that I will be leaving USM
 in about 2 months time! :O

I think I'm gonna miss this place a lot. 
Especially my tekun room where only tekun people can stay hahaha
Oh well, life goes on.

...

I am only 24 years old (not exactly) and I'm so sick of taking peipagou/medicine/herbs/moremedicine/moreandmoremedicine already!! :( It has been four freaking months.. Somehow I can relate to grandma a bit more now..how she always complain to me about the amount of medicine she needs to take every day! Ughhh...the frustration! And the woman in the bible who had bleeding problem for 12 years.. I can now catch a glimpse of how she must have felt.. the desperation!!!
I am desperate too. :(

Cough, be gone!

#throwback

Was randomly scrolling through my facebook groups. Read our old posts. Kinda funny haha and missed those times :)

A friend shared with me regarding her Easter sermon and I can relate so much to it. God created man and woman to rule over created things. It's funny how man and woman constantly wanting to be ruled by created things. Just like how Israelites created man made idols and worshiped them, putting themselves under created things. Today, instead of finding satisfaction in God, our Creator.. we too, find satisfaction in created things. They could be in the form of power, career, fame, money, achievements, addictions, etc. Instead of ruling over them, we allow them to rule over us. More power, more money, more achievements,etc. Nothing wrong with that. Question is; who is the ruler? Where am I finding my satisfaction/fulfillment in life?

Thoughts

Perspectives. I don't know where to draw the line..

But I still find beauty in simplicity.

 

Counting the days

April and June paling kedekut...no holiday :(
May at least got one day, it's called labor's day.
July is most generous!! Can't wait :D me love raya!!!!

(: yeknoD

Hey you! :)Surpriseee! :D
They say best friends don't talk every day..
but when they talk, it's just like yesterday.
Thank you for trying your best to love people who are difficult to love
Because when I reflected on myself, I know I have not given my best.
I'm challenged to do more. A good challenge :)
Thank you for sharing your life with me
Because it is so precious to you and so, it means a lot to me.
Thank you for giving me the privilege to walk with you
even though I cannot be physically there but I can feel you so near to me.
I want to say that I'm very proud of you :)
and you have my full support in your future decision. 
Thank you for always always causing me to love my God more,
Your life is a stirring testament of God's sustaining grace :)
Thank you for trying, really. :)

Enjoy doing little/stupid things with him (:

dah rindu pun.

Sorry but I'm seriously annoyed..

Everyone falls short of God's glory. E.V.E.R.Y.O.N.E. Just because you post spam some christian songs, videos, posts, etc, all that don't make you any MORE RIGHTEOUS than the rest. Without Jesus, you'd go to hell too. So please stop acting like a Pharisee. Kthanksbai :)

awkward moment

The awkward moment is when you were lining up at Subway counter to choose your bread and complaining to a friend regarding your workload and dress code...then suddenly you realize that your manager was sitting RIGHT BEHIND YOU!! So...to make things less awkward, you pretend as though you did not see him..you focus hard on choosing your vege and your sauce.. and then when you wanted to pay, you realize that he actually paid for your food in advance..meaning, he has noticed your presence when you stepped your foot into subway!!!! So you had to go to him, greet him and thank him..

AWKWARD!!!!!

G...G!!
WHAT A SMALL WORLD!!!!!!!

But I didn't say anything bad about him :( He is a nice person and is someone who allows me to learn by making mistakes.. I was just...being myself :( I only said 2 sentences T.T
1. "Wah today got a lot of work"
2. "My manager don't let me wear t-shirt and jeans, he said I cannot wear like that to work."

Moral of the story is...speak life! and look properly before you say anything haha

  awkward, awkward!!!!

Only by grace

This whole internship experience has revealed to me so much more about myself. I've failed God big time! Yet, His grace abounds much more. I realize how inadequate I am to live for God..how little I love God. I love myself more than I love God. I've come to a point where I realize I cannot boast about my love for God because I fail Him daily.

Sometimes I feel ashamed to let others know that I'm a christian. I'm afraid of misrepresenting Jesus..because I am not good. I didn't want people to know that I'm a christian if I am not portraying God's values especially in my previous work place. I was so stressed up that I didn't care about others. All I cared for was just my own work. I don't want people to judge my God wrongly just because of how I behave myself. But now as I thought about it, I realize the need for me to be honest with my struggles and weaknesses even to non-christians..they struggle with selfishness, with pride, etc and I go through the same thing. But it's not about how great I am but how great God is and how much I'm forgiven - I'm a sinner saved by grace.

Agape PKA Family Camp was timely for me. Annette's sharing on Peter's experience helped me to pick myself up again. I could relate to Peter better now. I named my experience as "Walking in Peter's shoes"..

Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren." Luke 22:31-32

Peter, being a sanguine, told Jesus that "Lord, I am ready to go with you to prison and to death". So confident that he won't deny Jesus. But in the end, He did. What amazes me in this passage is how Jesus already offered forgiveness to Peter even before he sinned against him. Jesus prayed for him, Jesus was ready to receive him again even after Peter fails. Can read more on how Jesus restored Peter - John 21:15-19. And we can see how Peter was transformed in the book of Acts. Peter became one of the apostles and he wrote 1 Peter and 2 Peter in the bible.

I don't like to be perceived as someone spiritual..because I am not. There were times where people said to me things like, "I wish I could love God like you." Even my close friend would say to me, "I'm not as holy as you." I hope the truth sets you free now haha I can't even recall how many times I've failed my God and bring disgrace to His name. But what picked me up each time when I fall is God's love and grace. It's true that I cannot boast about my love for God..but I can boast about my God's love for me..because He never fails.

Sometimes I remind others that God loves them..and try to encourage them in their walk with God..it is not to prove to anyone that I'm spiritually more hebat or what. Because I know I have the tendency to fall too and when that happens, I would want someone who can be there to remind me of God's love as well.

I want to quote what Mr.Goh Keat Peng says, "There is no such thing as spiritual giants. Only sinners saved by grace."

I fail God..that's why I need Him.

Hi Carmen, 

Dwelling in the past..doesn't help.

Unnecessary worries and fears..make things worse.

 

"Show me how to love like You have loved me."

The transition

I've been wondering how some people can work and at the same time live for God in their workplace. It has been tough for me..very tough. I'd be so stressed up at work because of the need to perform, be efficient, quick and accurate in everything that I do. and meeting the endless expectations from superiors. I became selfish. Too busy to care, to love.. And I chose the easy way out - to leave.

Now I look at my church young adults or working adults with a different view. I begin to understand how challenging it can be to still actively being involved in life group meetings, prayers and church services..because working is already very tiring (not including the amount of stress you face at work). and also probably there are issues that they may face in their family, relationships, wealth, health?

Now I see them as living sacrifices that still choose to serve God in church despite their tiredness, people of God who try their best to be salt and light in wherever they are placed and giving generously back to God for missions, focusing on God's kingdom. I wish to be like them, one day.. 
and I hope it won't take me too long.

Workplace

The only place where I can cool down for a minute (despite feeling overwhelmed)..and take a deep breath..is the toilet. Funny but true.

"Urgent ah."
"Top urgent."
"Super urgent."
"Pls settle, it's urgent."

I wish I were..but I am not..a superhero. Period.

God is able

In His name we overcome
for the Lord our God is able.

Intern's SHIP

(may not apply to everyone..maybe it's just me!)

Working hours is 8am-5pm. But please be found at your work place by 7.20am because you need to write reports and submit them by 9am.

If you happen to bump into your General Manager while you're using the photostat machine, make sure you let him/her use it first. Because the things you're doing cannot possibly be as urgent as theirs. You are just a trainee.

Networking is important. Smile and make friends.


You have to be quick to learn. Nobody has time for you to take your own sweet time. A few kind souls might spend some time to explain things to you.

Be efficient and constantly absorbing information! Although you are constantly overloaded with information, your brain just need to keep downloading! You are considered slow if you fail to pick up things in a week's time.

One mistake that you do can cost a lot of money and get people into trouble! So be very very and EXTREMELY careful.

You can be physically tired but you can't be mentally tired. Be alert. Be prepared. Be flexible.

Even if people say things about you or putting you down, don't show your emotions. If you want to cry, go home and do it. When you work, you WORK.

Expectations are normal because you are paid. They don't care how little you are paid.

You are required to be a runner too. Yes it's something like marathon runner. Just that you are running around the company for other people's errands. A term in hokkien says 'Wrap mountain, wrap sea'.

Oh, working world is so fun!

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. 

Psalm 23:4

Have you ever went through an experience where you thought you were going to die?
What went through your mind?
They say normally you will think of people who are important to you.. people whom you love most.


It's true!

Discovery!

I am an emotional being. My emotions perform better than my brain sometimes or most of the times??! Is that why I don't like to use my brain?
hahaha
not funny!
-.-"

Today, I was standing behind in the church sanctuary because I was on duty. During worship, I saw different people from different walks of life worshiping God. Some of them shared their testimonies during watch night service on the goodness of God despite their struggles in life.

In their struggles, they still praise.
In their lack, they still worship.
In their weakness, they still come before their God.
So beautiful :')

"Jesus Your love for me, like nothing I've ever seen
I lift up my hands to praise Your name, oh how I love You"

Losing control

Tell you something about cholerics myself. I cannot take unclear directions or the feeling of losing control. I like to plan. I like to have a to-do-list. I like progress. I like results. I like to be in control of what's happening next. It's either black or white, don't tell me grey. It's either joining or not going, don't tell me maybe (referring to facebook haha). Perhaps you can relate. 

At this point of time in life (sound old, but yeah), I've been thinking a lot about what I want to do with my life and questions like, where I want to settle down.. So many uncertainties..and cholerics me really hate it. Sometimes I wish God tell me right away the things that He has planned out - yes yes, give me the formula and things will be way easier! But if that is so, the one taking control is no longer God.. but me.

While talking to a friend, she reminded me that many times we can be so overwhelmed by activities. We move faster and faster.. to do more and more.. because we want to accomplish things or achieve certain things in life. Nothing wrong with that. Just that in the midst of doing and achieving, many times we think that we are in control of things.. 'I have things under control'.. and 'it all depends on me'. Pride sets in. But the truth is, we are never in control of things. Yup. Never. Just this very moment while I'm blogging right here, my heart could just stop beating or my lungs could collapse. The fact that I can finish blogging this post is by God's grace. The fact that I'm living and breathing right now is a gift from God. So often we forget probably because 1. human beings are forgetful people 2. human beings always take things for granted or 3. human beings do think that they have all things under control. I'm guilty of these as well. As I think and pray about this, I came to understand that in every relationship there ought to be involvement and participation from both parties. If God were to give us the formula eg, A+B=C, is there still a need to depend on Him since we already know it all? To seek Him daily and commune with Him? 

Uncertainties are scary.. to me it's like running in the tunnel and not knowing what lies ahead of me.. it could be Disneyland or Lalaland haha kidding :p My point is this is not a good feeling because it's kinda scary. But it's also a place where you can do nothing much but to learn to trust God.

Many times we think we know what is best for ourselves but actually we don't..do we? or rather, can we? Can we know more than what God knows? We don't even know what will happen tomorrow or the next moment.. how then can we say that we know better than God Himself? I didn't say that out..but many times my actions show as though I know it all.. 'Don't worry God, I have all things planned out'. What a foolish thought, Carmen. Not that we don't make plans but knowing that at the end of the day, He is the One who determines our path. Just as I'm losing control, I'm learning to trust that He is in control. To be honest, it's not easy. I guess that's why it is a journey.

Father You are King over the flood,

I will be still and know You are God.

My hope is built on nothing less

than Jesus' blood and righteouness

I dare not trust the sweetest frame

But wholly trust in Jesus' name.

When darkness seems to hide His face
I rest on His unchanging grace
In every high and stormy gale
My anchor holds within the veil.

KL trip

Went down to KL last friday to visit some friends before I start my internship next month. Cause once internship start, it will be harder to find time liao..I wasn't really expecting anything from this trip other than just catching up with friends..but i've received so much :) So yays! It was good to meet up with Wai Quan and hearing from her experience as a young working adult. And what encourages me is to see her faithfully serving in her church.. Wai Quan leading youth bible study now, chewah :D

Met up also with Wai Yan and Tim :) Toured UM! :D It was interesting to hear their experience in Korea. Had fun just talking to them, sharing and fellowship :) Thank you Wai Yan and Tim for making time! Appreciate this friendship lots.

Then followed by Sweepers 2011 :) I guess the highlight is seeing how each and everyone has grown from where we were last time. Several of them are now involved or indirectly related to NGO work or helping the society :) Ah, so proud of them. Ernest, Huey Lin and Lynn shared on their experience as NGO workers now. What hit me most is when Lynn mentioned how she feels burnt out at times but yet she look forward to go to work each day. She doesn't earn much but at the same time, she doesn't spend much because of her surrounding and the group of people that she hang out with. Hearing from Lynn, I'm reminded again on this verse 'godliness with contentment is great gain'. I begin questioning myself..like, Will I want a job that can pay me well or a job that I look forward to each day? What is good quality life? 

Then, PKA-ians! Just like what Monica said, "Familiarity!" :) Guess what? We played bang and killed each other haha Apart from that, it's good to hear updates from them again la :) Last person I met before I left was Uncle Jeremy! :D Time flies lah, when we first met..he just started serving in FES..but now already 2.5 years. He also gave tips on how to be a good steward when I start working next time haha

Sweep 2011

 Mini sweepers reunion :)

Good friends since I was in first year :)

Pka-ians :)

This trip really has been fruitful :) I seriously never expect to hear so many stories of working life experience from my peers and different people along the way. It's like God purposely arranged this to prepare me for the working world. I feel loved because I know He cares even for the little things in my life :) Make me question myself more and at the same time.. asking God to show me the way. Trusting Him to lead the way.