More than enough

I opened it and thought that it was a card, which already put a smile on my face. but it was more than just a card.. I need to tahan my tears because my room mate was in the room too. Recently, I've been receiving so much more than what I've given.. I feel like I don't deserve all these, really.. but they never fail to remind me of God's goodness and faithfulness.. that overflows! until my tears wanna flow haha

Today as I saw this and reflect on how much I've received, I know my God is not a debtor. It's a very meaningful and timely gift for me to end the semester :') ahh, carmen don't cry!

This morning I woke up feeling loved.. 

because I know Daddy sent rain! :D 

Humbling experience

Timor Leste funds has been coming in! Puji Tuhan! :) Like really really! :) :) :D 

Trust me, it's not easy to ask for money..especially when you know your dad is financially capable to provide for you. But it has not been easy too when your family do not understand what mission work is all about ;) STOMP Timor Leste is already teaching me so much even before going to the mission field. This experience as a missionary (raising funds) has really humbled me..it is breaking my pride each time when I send out my sponsorship letter. Each time when people give, whether little or much, my heart is moved.. Thank you for believing in me :') Many times I felt very unworthy of receiving from people.. but because I'm feeling this, I told myself that I won't let them down. I will do my best in the mission field *pray hard*, making sure that they do not sow in vain.

Coming from an average family, my dad has always been providing for me and my family. Hence, I did not learn to trust God in terms of financial provisions..and when Beatrice (FES staff) asked us to raise funds for this mission trip, I was worried, I went blank and I doubted God. RM 4000 is no joke wei. I really prayed hard for the funds hahaha and I tell you, it amazes me each time I see how God bring in funds! Really, macam He knows how much I'm lacking (of course, God knows! :p) and how He always help me to round up the figure hehehe :) Now I can really testify, My God is a God who provides! 

My heart is really filled with thanksgiving to people are supporting me and this mission work that is in Timor Leste :') Thank you for sowing, thank you for believing in me and with me, thank you because all of you have inspired me to sow for eternity :) You have shown me a good example to follow and I want to be like you, my dear givers :) Thank you, thank you.

When all You are

is glorious oh God

victorious and strong

Whom shall I fear?

When all You are 

is powerful and true

and good in all You do

Whom shall I fear?

Acceptance

I have this ugly side where I will just flee from friendships that are tough to fight for.. and when there are unmet expectations, I will just give up. Or many times, I will build up a selfish wall in my heart just to protect it from getting hurt or offended. It is time to tear down these walls. Because when all these walls started to build up in my heart, there is no place for love :( It is something that I really need to learn - to love and accept others for who they are.. just as how others would love and accept me for who I am. Despite my weaknesses and imperfections, they accept me for who I am and give me time to grow from where I am.

Perhaps, all I need is to give others 

the time to grow to become beautiful swans - 

beautiful man and woman of God who are all 

fearfully and wonderfully made.