STOMP Timor Leste

Hello! :) After stepping down, my focus now is on Timor Leste mission trip that I will be participating in July with a few students and 2 FES staff :) Before signing up, I was praying about it and a bit concerned la, not sure whether my parents would allow me to go to Timor Leste (not a developed country, in fact, it is a very poor country)..but ta daa, they said 'Yes!' and I got selected :) :)

Dili, Timor Leste :) the one with a red dot.

This mission trip called STOMP TL (Students Together On Mission Partnership, Timor Leste) is organized by the Fellowship of Evangelical Students (FES) Malaysia and is in partnership with International Fellowship of Evangelical Students (IFES), East Asia. I would need to raise a minimum of RM4,000 (estimated figure) for the trip. So yes, I'm raising funds now haha if you're interested to partner with me, please let me know :) the amount doesn't matter, I would really appreciate your support and your heart for this mission :)

All funds that I have raised will go to towards a team pool to cover the expenses of the entire mission trip. The reason why we are asked to raise funds is so that we will experience what is like to be sent and allow others who might not be able to participate in this mission trip to be a part of it. Your giving is a form of sending me and allowing yourself to partner in this mission trip even though you cannot be physically present there :D

Just to give you a clearer picture of what's happening in Timor Leste, because I think many of us have not heard of this country haha, below is the excerpt from a report written by Ms. Annette (IFES East Asia Staff) :)

"With a population of 1.2 million people in Timor Leste (TL) and a 150,000 in Dili itself, the country and its people are very moving to the heart. Having been colonialized by both the Portugese and the Indonesians, the people are coming out of the shadows and trying to learn what it means to be a country of their own since 2002.

The Timorese are simple people, with a fierce pride in who they are, yet at the same time, trying to find the confidence to throw off the weight of only having basic education; finding a way to feed themselves and their often large families; finding opportunities to get jobs very hard. Joblessness among the Timorese is very high, and many just while away their time, sitting around drinking and smoking and going home to eat plain rice (when it is really down times).

With rising joblessness, there is also rising violence in the country. Many young people belong to gangs and spend their time drinking, smoking and fighting. There are also many children and adults begging. Children and women abuse is high. In fact, TL records the highest index in women and child abuse in Asia..."

So if you are interested to join us in partnership and be part of this mission, please please please let me know :) I will send you the letter for more details. However, do not have to feel obliged to give because I believe my God is a God who provides :D Pray with us? :)

My prayer is still the same.. is that God will break my heart for what breaks His :)

'It is finished!'

Yesterday, we had AGM and closing for this sidang. The night before I was preparing a speech for AGM and the video compilation for PKA Closing. It never hit me until then.. that I truly love this family, a lot. I always thought that AGM would be the day that I look forward to, ever since the first day I step up as the President..when different people came and asked me, 'So how you feel ah, AGM this friday?'.. I would reply,'Yay!', 'Good!' or 'Can't wait!' haha.. but surprisingly that night, my heart was a bit sayang to let go. I know it is time to let go and let the younger ones to step up. haha just that.. sayang-lah.. It has been a big part of me; bangun PKA, tidur PKA haha nah just kidding. Looking back at all the past photos and videos, they bring me a lot of laughter, sweet memories and reminders of God's goodness in PKA. It has been a great journey :) I want to thank you, fellow friends, who have journeyed with me and cheered me on! I thank God for His faithfulness for this past sidang. Without Him, I wouldn't be able to make it.

And now..it is finished! :)
All Glory to Jesus.

God, why?

So this was what happened at night on 5th of May; When Fong Wan came into the room, I was already lying on my bed because I was dead tired..but I haven't fallen asleep. And she asked, 'Carmen, let's pray?' Then I replied, 'I cannot pray..' I actually didn't expect that to come out from my mouth.. but really, I didn't know what to pray anymore. Deep inside, I was questioning and doubting God. I can't comprehend His plan.. Why is He allowing all these? How can this be a good plan to prosper and not to harm us? Just like how Habakkuk cried out, 'How long o Lord?' (Habakkuk 1:2), I too felt the same.

Decided to go for all churches combined prayer at EPCC just now. And what struck me most is when Pr. Sam said, "You won't go wrong when you celebrate Jesus!" How true. Just when we don't know what to do or where we are heading towards, all the more we need to look to Jesus. One of the worship songs that moved me to tears was 'God of this City',

You're the God of this City 

You're the King of these people 
You're the Lord of this nation 
You are 

You're the Light in this darkness 

You're the Hope to the hopeless 

You're the Peace to the restless 

You are 

If you ask me now, I seriously still can't comprehend His plan.. but now, I'm reassured that His plans are good simply because He is a good God. God loves Malaysia even much more than I do. I know He has not forgotten our land. I know He will bring restoration and He is at work. Habakkuk also never expect God to raise up Babylonians, God always does things exceedingly abundantly above all that we could ever imagine..and then make us go 'Wow!'. Perhaps God is taking this time to prepare us for the greater things that have yet to come! It's exciting time that we're living in :) I know He has heard every cry and every prayer and all our cries and prayers matter so much to Him :) I will rest in Him and Him alone. Let us be assured too, that though we may sow in tears we will reap with joy! Hidup Rakyat! Hidup Tuhan! (God is alive!) :) 

I know that I will still be angry at some of the latest news (eg; Cina Tsunami) especially when I see them on FB. So I've challenged myself to always pray whenever I feel angry or disappointed, may God grant me wisdom to respond and not react ;) I'm glad I went for Combined Prayer. Now I understand why Peter and John would run to their companions after being released (Acts 4:23). And the first thing they did was they prayed together with fellow believers. So important and crucial. May we not lose sight of this too :)

and Yes, God knows what He is doing.

Today, I'm reminded on the most important element to UBAH. It is not hatred or bitterness. It is love - the love for our nation, our home, Malaysia. If truly I want to see change, let it begin with me. May I grow to love Malaysia each day :) #nomore-emo-emo #bangkit #rakyat #malaysia #love

Thank you, Wai yan, for helping me to see that in your blog post :)

GE13: My experience

I remember how excited I was to be a first-time voter. I was deeply encouraged to see the crowd lining up early in the morning. Even the lame came to cast their votes! I'm so proud of them. I'm so proud to be called Anak Bangsa Malaysia.

Nevertheless, I also remember witnessing how SPR showed special treatment to a certain party when we were on duty as Pemantau at a school in Balik Pulau. I remember how someone from SPR tried to accuse us of distributing flyers and I heard myself voicing out for justice, "The police there can be our witness!" There were also people who tried to intimidate us by taking our pictures without our consent. They came near to us and snap photos. I remember feeling very fearful. But the police were helpful and I saw them doing their job quite well.

I remember seeing a few motorcyclists roaming around to catch hantu. I prayed for hantu not to come so that there will be no fights..so that there will be peace. I also remember staring at the school and thinking to myself, "Why cheat in a school? The very place where you ask the younger people not to steal, cheat or lie..The very place where you educate the younger generation...Why?". I remember how Fong Wan and I hide under the umbrellas and keep hearing ourselves saying, "I can't take the HEAT anymore!" I remember smiling at this man whom I know are not doing the right things..I hope that one day he will turn away from all these things. I remember praying with Fong Wan as we sat down there by the roadside.

I remember how excited we felt when we were following the latest updates from different sources.. "YES! Unofficial results: XX seat, XX wins!" I remember how Malaysians felt when they flood FB with the latest updates..the excitements and sense of hope. However, I also remember the disappointments and anger that were lashed out after hearing the blackouts incidents. 

Up till now, I'm still very much angry and sad.. not because BN won but because of how they won. They have lost even the slightest (perhaps 0.01%) respect that I had for them. Changing my FB profile picture to black is not because I have given up hope on Malaysia.. but because I feel disgusted on how the people in power can twist and turn and to cheat Malaysians even when all of us are watching. I can't comprehend the degree of wickedness that the authority is practicing. I mean, please la, Who can? While most Malaysians went to sleep with disappointment in their hearts, I wonder if you, the culprit(s), could sleep well?

But thank you for doing all these because Rakyat will be more aware now. Ya, just in case if you're not aware..Rakyat sudah bangkit. You have reminded us on what it means to be a Malaysian - to care not just for ourselves, not just for Peninsular but also for Sabah and Sarawak. Thank you for challenging us to be even more united than before.

I want to remember how I felt yesterday and today. I want to remind myself of all these things so that I will not forget why I choose to stay back. Somebody said this, "Democrary is not a sprint. It is a marathon." Thank you dear leaders who have fought for the country all these while without us realizing how tired you can be, how disappointing things can turn out to be. Thank you to all who came back to vote. Thank you for believing not in the system but the power of unity.. Thank you, fellow Malaysians for believing together, for fighting together. Because of you, I have grown to love my home even more now. I have no other home. Malaysia is my home. Most importantly, thank you God for being who You are - sovereign, great, mighty and all-knowing!

Though the fig tree may not blossom,
Nor fruit be on the vines;
Though the labor of the olive may fail,
And the fields yield no food;
Though the flock may be cut off from the fold,
And there be no herd in the stalls—

Yet I will rejoice in the Lord,I will joy in the God of my salvation.

The Lord God is my strength;

He will make my feet like deer’s feet,
And He will make me walk on my high hills.

Habakkuk 3:17-19

Upon injustice, we will tell of our God,

The hope of all hearts is You!

Your love never fails.

Jom balik undi

The best article that I've read so far..saw it on FB :)
To my dearest BN supporting friends

I know that there are still some of you who refused to go back to vote. When we had casual conversation, you said you're lazy to go back to vote. As a penangite, I don't really know how to persuade you because I don't have to travel for hours to go back to my hometown.. but I'm very certain that if I were you, I will still go back to my hometown just to cast my vote. It is not like you do not know about the corruption or injustices that are happening in Malaysia, but perhaps it is because you don't see them affecting you much.

Maybe because you have forgotten about the poor, the marginalized, the needy.. most of us haven't really seen them. I've been to Sabah Mission trip and that's when I realised that many of them who are living in kampungs don't even have proper electricity - they use generators at night. The toilets are awful because they do not have proper piping. They don't really have clean water, they have cloudy water or air sungai. I have yet to see with my own eyes; the orang Asli, the penan people..I've only heard about them and how they are mistreated. 56 years of ruling by BN with many developments (KLIA, KLCC, Monorail, etc) happening around us, why are the people in rural areas still suffering? Living in cities or even small towns, we do not know what it is like to not be able to afford food.. because most of the times, we only busy asking, "What to eat ah?"

... or maybe, you just couldn't care less? "One vote only what..it doesn't make a difference!" "It is impossible to change, there is no hope." I want to remind us that truly, Change begins with us. There is no hope simply because you refuse to hope. To be honest, I feel very angry and disappointed whenever I hear of my friends not going to cast their votes especially when they are believers.. so much about 'praying and loving' Malaysia, the least you could do is to cast your vote. If you still refuse to go back to vote this Sunday, no doubt I will feel disappointed.. but I will still respect you as my friend..I will still love you for who you are.. but then I want you to ask yourselves if this is the value that you want to pass down to your children in the future? 

If you call yourself a 'Malaysian', then I urge you,
 Dear fellow Malaysians..

 jom balik undi.

Tanah Tumpahnya Darahku..

It was only 2 years ago that I started to learn to love my country..because I know my God's heart is also for this nation. Nevertheless, I still have so much more to learn..so do correct me if I'm wrong :)

Recently, I have been seeing a lot of posts and comments on FB that are related to GE 13.With all the big huu-haa about General Election and different parties, I can't help but to be disappointed to see how some christians (even leaders) responded. I saw a post where people are misusing God's word to 'side' the party that they are supporting. I think this is very wrong. The thing is this; it is very obvious that the post is a lie because the photoshop was really bad.. and I cannot tahan when I see christians sharing this photo and adding more inappropriate comments..cursing individuals. My room mate is right when she said, "People are being very irrational now."

Am I not angry at how some politicians use money and free gifts to procure votes?
Am I not angry at how some politicians use dirty strategies against one another?

Am I not angry at how fellow Malaysians beat others up just because of some flags?
Am I not seeking and praying for a better Malaysia?
Am I not for clean and fair election??

Despite all these, I think we have to constantly remind ourselves that we are attacking issues, not individuals. We hate sin, not sinners. What would Jesus do? I have to remind and ask myself too.

Yes, we pray for a better Malaysia.. but let us also pray for blind eyes to be opened..for those who do not know God to know Him. Let us also pray for ourselves, that God may grant us wisdom and discernment in our words and actions.

Yesterday, a junior asked me "What if things remain the same after 5/5?"
I thought for awhile and replied..

"God knows what He is doing."